I think I’m purple…
‘Today, today, I saw a man, using a whiskey flask as a walkie talkie… today, today…’
I played the first thing on my itunes as I reach for my keypads again… I had to close the TV and toil on endless stuff for work but here I am again procrastinating on everything. I was singing ‘Paraiso’ of Smokey Mountain today at work, caught myself with it and my officemate was laughing, I didn’t know where I heard it again but it must be from reading too much about love these past days, it’s everywhere around me and it can be overwhelming.
I haven’t been listening to music recently since my ipod conked down, I guess I buried myself too much on my ipod these past months so as not to think as much and let lyrics think for me instead. Now that I don’t have that everyday, I’m hearing so much, so much on life again that it can be a little overwhelming. Life indeed follows, after every event. After every tear, and after every episode you create for yourself…
But love and relationships… it puts too much toil on everyone that it fucks everyone up. LOVE, sing it together with me, yes, it can be music, LOVE, scream it together with me, yes it can be noise, LOVE, cry it together with me, yes, it can be painful, LOVE, define it with me and we will have different answers…
Last Monday, I grabbed a copy of the newspaper where one of my shoots came out and as I rummaged on the page I came across a column of one of my friend talking about an email he received, it was about ‘love’ and how the kids ages 7 below where defining it. It took me how many minutes reading up rolling my eyes or squirming with it. Kids, at least them they know love with such naivety. I want to be like that again, unscathed. I want to love the same way I loved when I was still naïve. Now, I look at self-help books, go to seminars and listen to other people or read up on the net on its meaning and how each different person we come across with define it on their own. I don’t know now, I don’t know how to act on love anymore, where it wont hurt, where it won’t matter as much and where it wont penetrate like it will be the end of the world when you lose it. May be this is what all my past left me as, someone broken, someone damaged. I heard in some movie the other night that it takes a grown up to make love and relationships work, does it? They said the past makes you learn and be better, does it? May be for the second time, what about the third and the next? I don’t know anymore, how come with my past, it just made me so scared. I don’t want to become like the couples I know, I only know one couple that’s so happy and in love despite so many years, they’ve managed to tame each other. Is it love they have? Or is it because in relationships, love isn’t what matters that may be its compatibility, understandng and comfort. I don’t know. Can you define it?
I was talking to my editor in the car earlier about LOVE, I told her about what I found out. That love is seen through different eyes, yes it may be universal, but it is not the same the way people perceive it and give it. I told her about the different colors of personalities. That sometimes, people whom both love each other break up not because they don’t love, but because they just don’t speak the same way that each of them understands. Here’s what I’ve gathered through endless reading, that there are four different shades of people and how they see and act on LOVE:
The RED personality perceives love as being CONDITIONAL, meaning that they’ll give you their love if you take care of their needs first. Consequently, they have a lot of expectations around what love should be and what they expect from their relationships.
Love to the ORANGE is SELFLESS, and means putting the emotional needs of others before their own needs. They see love as representing a deep emotional bond between two people and forming a commitment so strong that it can withstand the ups and downs that all relationships experience over the course of time.
YELLOWS perceive love as being complicated and hard to define. They see it as being global, meaning that there are different kinds of love and different magnitudes of loving something or someone. Love for the Yellow is a STATE OF MIND, and how they express love is solely dependent on where they are mentally.
GREENS see love as being a celestial event, a harmonic convergence, the merging of two people to create one, the sacred union between the soul, the mind, and the body. It is a SPIRITUAL CONNECTION and they make love fun.
***
Interesting stuff huh, my editor exclaimed, ‘Oh I think I’m red.’ I smiled at her, I said, ‘I think I’m green before, I don’t know what I am now.’ Can someone define me without leaving me insane?
She told me to read her column today, when I got back to the office that’s the first thing I looked for. Some story about first love and losing someone you love through death and finding again some chapters that never had closure. After reading, I looked at my editor, ‘Oh my,’ I squirmed a little. ‘I don’t think I can handle it when I lose my love through death, I think it will kill a spot in my soul.’ ‘I know, right,’ she said.
