Moving Mountains
Do you know why I always listen to ‘Moving Mountains’? cuz I like to scream through my car window to ‘just leave me be…’ one more, over and over, ‘just leave me be…’ I am in love with that song for few weeks now, I could feel the way he sings it, it is not my song, it is someone else’s, and I feel for the both of them. But I keep screaming, endlessly, I do not need this…
Why do you keep stopping the waves when its crashing before you… you are just washing your hands for a damage you might inflict, so when I crash down, it is not you to blame but me… So many times I’ve been disappointed, and so many times I’m giving it a new shoe. But I’m hanging by a moment and I really want to cut it lose. Let me get burned so I can mend it back… not like this…
I’ve already closed my eyes to the wrong that is in my distaste yet my heart takes those that needs protection. My hands? It is big to carry anybody but sometimes it crashes me… don’t use it for your benefit, I am also in need… don’t put your finger on it and complain when you get burned. I am not a sponge; I need giving back and reciprocation… I am human heavy with mood… I could hear Helena on the other room, ‘I rang the bell but I guess you did not hear me because of all the cacophony.’
To an old memory, sometimes I miss your sweetness and you letting me know how you feel, that’s accepting how human we are… we feel and accept it, I wished to the gods to bring me another you, and I will do everything right… I saw a clip of your smile yesterday, how proud I am of you, it pinched a hole in me. I remember the time that I would follow seconds of your smile under a moving camera, just a few seconds that you turned your head towards me in the library, flashed me that smile as you walked away. It was forever etched in my heart. I used to play it over and over as I go home at night til my cam recorder lose its batteries… I miss those moments. I keep starting new grounds offering the same taste, even better, my hands have grown and it can offer more but they refuse to welcome it. I thought I made them a ghost that is you, but no, they’re giving me their ghosts and they’re successful in haunting me…
I am not a lab experiment. I want my peace. Their indecisiveness is not my cup of tea. ‘Why do you always surround yourself with confused people?’ a life coach told me before. I keep saying, ‘I am a fixed ground, I know what I want …’ and as if it really needed answer, a friend told me, ‘then you put an end to it.’ Hmmm… yes, I am a solid ground, stop corroding it. ‘Cut a star down, with my knife…’ Fink is lulling me again… yes, cut a star, not for you, for me, my hunger is insatiable, fill it to the brim…
Diwata ayokong lumuhod sa lupa… alam mo kung ano yung kanta? ‘If I could take you away… what would you say, cuz everybody’s got the way I should feel… oh how I try to be just ok, all I ever really wanted was a little piece of you… everybody’s talking how I can’t be your love, but I want want want to be your love for real…’ I think I’m keeping it inside another box and a period beside the lyrics. First move your mountains then knock on my door when you’ve rid yourself of it, let’s see if heaven is still served on a platter.
I do not remember the last time I danced like Mambo, I miss the happy feet in me. I’m just tired most of the time. I will dance tomorrow for the world, my beat is a happy one, I’ll shower it to the dance floor. Ohhh yes my canvass is arriving soon, I’ll make love to it to quench my hunger… may be it will…
