The E’s and the I’s
Monday… seems so quiet compare to all the normal Mondays im used to… I’m sitting on my gym ball watching ‘Capote’ and waiting for the canvass to dry… waiting, I hate waiting for anyone or anything, it sinks me to an abyss of boredom… and ‘Capote’ is boring me as well… it’s supposed to be a good film but I’m so anxious to even pay attention to it.
Tic, toc, minutes could you forward a little faster, your trudging is making me nuts…
I got so addicted to textures now the canvass is so thick its taking forever before I can touch it again… I went back to an old canvass and stain it up a little bit… light to dark that’s how I like it, I hate it when lighter paints goes on top, it doesn’t look finished. Stains… I love roughness and stains… ‘There you go babe, I just stained you up a little, you look a little better.’ I whispered to my canvass… fuck now I’m talking to a piece of cloth and wood, talk about boredom.
Last Saturday they made me answer questionnaires to differentiate the kind of person that I am. The group E and group I were separated in two circular packs. As I stare on the group I poked one of my seatmate, ‘I can actually tell what kind of person those in the other circle are, they are Introverts!’ I was going to say BORING, but they were teaching us not to pass judgments. He smiled at me, ‘that’s the point.’ I looked at my circle and we are quite huge, the facilitator said, ‘ See you guys have a larger number, you guys are extroverts, and in the world there are many of you, that’s why the world is noisy!’ we were all laughing, he continued, ‘You guys do things with fun as motivation, that’s why when everything is silent you end up bored. While Introverts on the other hand, they like the pacing, slowness, observing silence first then acting when they feel comfortable already.’ Hmmm, made me think, if they put the 2 groups in war, the extroverts end up getting killed first cuz we are such gung-ho’s, jumping and screaming with bullets flying everywhere, while the introverts think first before they fire a bullet.
Yeah well, I guess I should practice patience for now, I’m so anxious I just dabbed on a little paint and my texture got messed up a little… grrr… patience, patience… maybe I should name my kids in the future ‘Patience’, then the other will be ‘Anxiety’ hahaha, such crazy thoughts…
Anyway, funny how easily some things can make my heart sink and how easily so many voices can kick it to a happy place again. I wish these people know how they can make me smile. How they make me whole with the little affirmations they share. I can only whisper my thank you to the predicaments I am always in. Someone will make me feel bad, then some one more worthy will lift me up, today just 4 words made me sad, but i had 7 characters to make me smile and laugh again. They always come in so many folds, better than the defeats.
