Broken Window

I’ve been up for at least 24 hours already and Mr. Sandman hasn’t paid me a visit…I really want to change this sleeping habit, I practically tried everything from sleeping pills, drinking milk and freaking counting sheep’s, dogs, or what have you…sleeping aids make me sluggish the day after, milk just doesn’t seem to work, and sheep’s or any kind of animal is such a bore I always end up counting back to 1…

…I went to bed last night at 12midnight hoping to wake up early—cuz I’ve been missing good hours of work from waking up late—only to get up at 4am cuz thoughts in my head just doesn’t seem to stop and I haven’t visited vanilla sky dreams…I turned the freakin’ lights back on then did every freaking thing that I could think of…watched T.V., listened to CDs, read anything I laid my eyes on, chained smoke, drew pretty faces on paper and cooked a hearty meal…and none of those ever made me tired and sleepy…so I’m here now at work still up and upbeat…thank goodness I can still function! There’s so much work to finish!

I used to say that sleep is the perfect way to waste time…we practically sleep off half of our lives and that is so sad…but it just gets really tiring and tedious especially when you’re the only one up and alive in the middle of the night, no one to talk to, no one to bug (well none that matters though). I’d end up going straight to work without sleep all the time…and my nocturnal habit is tiring everyone…every time we need to close the mag for an issue I’m the only one who function at 3am in the morning and manage to laugh and work at the same time while people just snooze at me…its not fun…

…I think the only thing that can put me to sleep is wine or any kind of liquor and I used to drink every night just to sleep peacefully but it’s just so not healthy, and the hangovers are just a pain…

…I’ve been like this since freakin’ high school when I finally got cable T.V. I ended up addicted to it and would watch anything til the wee hours of the evening…when I finally tired of it I couldn’t get back to my sleeping sched…so there I’m stuck in my insomnia dome and its giving me dark circles around my eyes already, I’m breaking out to death, and I’m getting too forgetful (that’s what happens when you don’t get enough sleep I guess)…sigh…

Sometimes it’s fun to be a vampire hovering the dark but it gets really exhausting and most of all lonely and insane…